I regularly take time to retreat from the world and spend some time with my own thoughts; an exercise that I find most beneficial in my life. This time, however, it's different. I am about to be declared legal by the state. I am about to register for classes as a senior student. The sun is beginning to set on my undergraduate career as it prepares to rise for my brother.
At every birthday, I stop and look back over the past year. Obviously, we all grow and change over the course of a year, but the magnitude of change in me is tremendously greater than any other year. I've forged, tested, solidified, and broken a number of relationships. It makes me appreciate the ones I keep close; the ones who I communicate with almost daily, the ones upon whom I won't hesitate to dump the contents of my mind.
I delved into a number of first-time experiences; the kind of which will permanently alter a man. And I walked away from them, irreversibly changed, having learned lessons that have only improved me as a person.
I overcame a seafood allergy (THANK GOD). Shrimp, lobster and crab are amazing. I can't believe what I've been missing for 20 years.
I gave myself freely—needlessly so, at times—and learned that while doing so is a good thing, prudence is the best way to avoid being hurt while doing so. Furthermore, I learned that pain is a part of life, and the best way to deal with it is to not run from it.
I learned that nobody can just divine what you feel—they have to be told point-blank. Not everybody is on the same wavelength (or, more accurately, everyone is not on the same wavelength).
I can approach just about anything with the foolish determination to overcome it and enjoy it. Would I have fearlessly thrown myself at the ground from 50 feet in the air, skimmed waves (and gotten thrown across the water) at speeds in excess of 50mph, or had the audacity to open myself to an absolute stranger this time last year? Most likely not.
Would I have been able to consider everything with an open mind a year ago? Not so much.
Would I have had the ability to shamelessly accept the person I am last year? I can't even say for sure.
These days, I have begun to actually live. When I say "I'll try anything once," I mean it (reasonably). I've embodied that sentiment. Fear of life, in turn, causes a man to be unable to live. I learned that lesson.
Now, as I spend my final hours as a 20-year-old, and my final months as a college junior, I can remain confident in my ability to enjoy life—regardless of anything else—and enjoy it even more as life goes on.
This tank top is very low cut. I had a professor tell me I should cover myself better. [Hosting this story here while for the time bein...