Skytop.

Living in Syracuse is sort of like living in a walled city. You don't want to venture too far out, because there's so much going on at any given time. The walls sort of appear when you're on the interstate and realize that going to far means running into a toll booth. If you turn around immediately after entering the toll booth and try to come back, they charge you the maximum. No bueno.

Anyway, if Syracuse is like a walled city, then the university feels like walking in the sky. Granted, Ole Miss feels like heaven on earth, but up here, you feel like a denizen of the astral plane itself. Maybe that's just me as a grad student talking—having ascended from undergrad. Walking up University Avenue presents a distinctive path; the steps leading up to the quad and the clearing between buildings gives the sense that, in the middle of this city, you've entered the inner sanctum. From any point on the campus, you realize that the campus is—literally—elevated above the rest of the city; you can look out across the city on one end and across a valley at the other end. I was given a crash-course walking tour a few weeks ago. All the while, I was in awe. This feeling of being in the clouds while on campus is heightened when the sky is overcast. Certainly, this feeling will be elevated further when snowfall besets the campus.

I'm quite literally in love here. The best feeling is knowing I'm in the right place.

Orientation happened today, and the reality of the program set in. It will be intensive. It will not be easy. It will require long hours. Most of all, it will be immeasurably rewarding.

I've met new people, made new connections... almost like freshman year again, in a way. We're all relatively eager to get to know each other; our group has become fast friends in a week. We already have our inside jokes (this took no time at all), we've already declared the banes of our existences, and we have all made the solidarity to suffer through our collective (and sometimes individual) challenges.

Yeah, I miss Oxford. I miss my old friends. More than that, I miss my brother.

Pretty soon, I'll travel beyond the invisible walls of this city. There's a lot more to see.

Start Today With A Laugh.

I was reading articles this morning about notable public figures who dumped their twitter accounts for whatever reason. Among them—Chris Brown, after a vulgar word feud with a comedienne; Alec Baldwin, for no reason; Charlie Sheen, for no reason; Adele, for arbitrary murder threats against her then-newborn child...

And then Kendrick Perkins. Which didn't really ring a bell, until I looked it up. He plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder (#who?), and was apparently so odiously ridiculed after a run-in with Blake Griffin's nether regions that he needed to shed his online presence altogether (and that's fair—I wouldn't want to be dunked on by Blake Griffin, either). I submit this video of the nastiest dunk I've seen in a while—we've seen it before, but I can't get enough of it.

Now, granted, this video is old. It's no less awe-inspiring, though. Perkins looks like he has the I'm-gonna-beat-my-puppy face...

That aside, I've settled in nicely in central New York. I won't drive too far in any direction, because they force you through toll booths eventually, and you wonder how you got there. I can navigate the city—I don't live far from SU's campus. I've met some awesome people. I've run to Walmart countless times (it's not a short drive), and I'm supposed to go to Wegman's eventually. It's apparently something of a religious experience.

I had a crash course tour of Syracuse's campus. Obviously, yes, it's not Ole Miss. However, they don't fit in the same class by any means. Ole Miss is situated in its own corner of Oxford, with its own zip code. Syracuse is more or less integrated with the city, and tries to expand that integration. The campus is downright beautiful. No, there is no Grove, and the density of flowers is not quite near Ole Miss (I think... I don't really look at flowers). Glass is to SU what columns are to UM. I rather like the look. In lieu of the grossly abundant springtime pollen, we are subject to overwhelming amounts of snow and frigid conditions (again, don't know, haven't experienced it). Looking over a wall near the law school, you can see a valley to the west, and hills in the distance. I fell in love with this view instantly. This brings me to the next point. Apparently, some SU undergrads feel privileged (yep, never have seen this before) and believe the university is the center of the city universe—this is false, of course. The doorknob to the universe, in fact, is on the Ole Miss campus in Oxford, MS. We know where the center of everything is, of course.

There's a disconnect between students and the less-affluent areas of the city—UM's Big Event, UMS Fusion... I believe these would have a place here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever thought of such a thing.

Northern culture is radically different from everything I'm used to. It's exciting. I miss my friends, but they're coming to visit at some point, and I'm making new ones, so I'll survive. The only universal constant is change.

Happy Friday.

A Man In Time.

Question for you, dear reader: Look at your music library. Do you have the Tarzan soundtrack? Of course you do. Find "Son of Man," by the incomparable Phil Collins. Give it a listen. Go ahead, I'll wait [Achievement: FOURTH WALL BROKEN].

"In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn..."

That line resonates with me more than ever now. Since I'm going to be an instructional associate, my duties will be to assist professors. I don't really know, but I'm prepared for the possibility that I might be actually teaching.

That line carries a lesson: I can be taught theories and concepts until I get tired and flee to the bar, but the real learning emerges when I have to make sense of them and reteach them. Inherently speaking, it's undesirable to be teaching something that's incorrect (or so I hope—I know some of you have had some professors who couldn't be bothered to care). It dawned on me that the professors who encouraged discourse understood the concept that learning is a two-way avenue.

There you go. Wisdom brought to you by Phil Collins.

Functional Independence.

My family helped move me into my apartment a few days ago. This apartment, situated right on the edge of downtown Syracuse, gives me an excellent view of the downtown skyline, which I love. It's a five minute drive to the positively gargantuan Destiny USA mall, and Armory Square (Syracuse's version of The Square—can't be beaten, by the way) is a short walk away, with all the bars, Starbucks, Subway, and ice cream that an urbanite could ask for.

It's a studio apartment. One room. Can't really get away with not cleaning it. That's what I've been doing today. Cooked food for myself for the first time; I have pretty high hopes for my domestic abilities. Got my wifi network set up ("Bill Wi The Science Fi"), got cable, got my wine/rum rack set up, hanging up some artwork. I still need to put speakers in here.

Because I'm still partially an introvert, I actually can survive living here without being in contact with anyone. I don't really get lonely that easily, since I see it as banking the alone time an introvert requires before going into all-out extroversion (thank you, past job as an orientation leader). It slipped my mind that I'm not the only Oxford export here—just remembered that while typing that last sentence.

The first thing I learned was that Newhouse is a big deal. Dad likes to brag about his sons, so while in the Doubletree Hilton Hotel's restaurant, he started talking with some strangers people who hadn't met him yet (there are no strangers with Dad) and telling them I was attending SU for grad school. When I told them I was a Newhouse master's student, they groveled at my feet were impressed; it's not an easy school to get into, I've found out. You must be smart and you must have an impressive track record of involvement in and outside of your field and you must have sterling recommendations and you must contend with 850 people who have the exact same qualifications (or thereabout). I joke about having a large ego, but in reality I have to extend my gratitude to every instructor I've had since the 11th grade (and most before then); they all had a hand in helping my parents raise me.

One thing I've learned about myself is that I can very easily detach and move on. On one hand, it keeps me from becoming stagnant. On the other hand, it means I can leave people behind with frightening efficiency. Being at Ole Miss, however, has made that very difficult to do. There are so many awesome people I got to know. I've seem some of them hit the ground running, commendably pursuing their dreams and careers or traveling the world and enjoying their lives. The truth is, I miss those people dearly and I'm elated for them.

As for me, I'm excited to take on this next step. I receive my orientation (and Newhouse-branded iPad mini) on Monday, and classes begin Tuesday. The best thing is that should I ever feel that I am faltering, I always have the encouragement of those I love to keep me going.

Unsealed.

You know,  I didn't realize people still read this. I happened to check on the view count today. Anyway, a week into 2013, and I'm getting my mind back into shape. Grad school applications, thesis work...and I've started feeding my dream of becoming a producer (bedroom producer, but essentially all the same). I've become interested in EDM as of late; nightlife and nighttime culture have held my interest pretty much all through undergrad.

I've been trying to regain my drive. Sort of lost it during the fall semester. Came home after the dust settled, and felt positively listless. I've been barely able to motivate myself to do more than two major things in one day (workout, grad school application, thesis progress, composing). Some days, I feel the spark again, but it takes far more willpower than I seem to have these days.

I'm out of shape, and that probably contributes to my diminished will. That, and my sleeping habits have been horrible.

At the end of next week, I'll be returning to Oxford for my final undergraduate semester.

That's all I've got for now.

On Being Unrestrained.

We all seek to find our place in the world. Or in our world, whatever that may be. Our high school friends, our college environments, or even the guys we meet up with at the bar.

We make sure we're the best we can be or, at least, the best we can be in our own microcosms. While this isn't a bad thing in itself, I'd like to challenge this line of thinking. It can cause us to do things we don't like, for a time far longer than we'd prefer, to impress people we generally cannot stand. It's a phase we all go through.

Eventually, though, we face the idea that the miniature world we live in will eventually end for us. We graduate, find a new group of friends, start frequenting a different bar, going to a different gym...and making major changes in our lives. Of course, this revelation tends to come later rather than sooner for most. When it does, a radical shift occurs (hopefully).

That organization you've devoted ludicrous amounts of time to suddenly falls from its pedestal into the superfluous areas of your life. That girl you tried so desperately to chase, impress, and win over instantly becomes just another relatively unimportant human being. That person whose achievements struck you with awe, overnight, loses that luster in your eyes.

The illusions we built for ourselves instantaneously vanish as we come to understand what our true desires are, freed from our narrowed perceptions. We regard ourselves as the oft-maligned #1 that we have so grievously neglected to satisfy the wants of those around us. We can understand that our egos have been malnourished; our desires improperly fed.

We then recall every instance where we held back for fear of offending another with our brilliance, overshadowing another with our talent, upstaging our peers with our own excellence. Perhaps we'll feel anger and resentment toward ourselves; perhaps we will regard these memories as learning experiences.

Regardless, we begin a period of apathy and rejecting everything that isn't aligned with our pursuits. It's empowering, and it makes us realize, once again, just how far we can go beyond our perceived limits. We no longer will undertake a project that we are uninterested in. We refuse to change ourselves so egregiously to be acceptable to another. We cease to censor, by others' standards, our own personalities and gifts.

Then, we feel that the world is at our feet. From that moment, we are forced to answer the questions we have put off for so long:

What do I want in life?
What dreams do I want to pursue? Can I pursue more than one of them?

When these questions (and vastly more of them) are answered, then begins the road to our own futures.

Ole Miss: The Delayed Response (Or, things I learned outside the classroom this year).

This one comes a few weeks late. If you're looking to read this in its entirety, settle in—it's a long one. In the first part, I will be addressing lessons I've learned and experiences I've had. Then, I will address everything not specifically related to me. This post is brought to you by brewing thoughts I've had over the past few weeks. Don't worry if it sounds gloomy. A more upbeat post comes next week.

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This past year has been filled with lessons and experiences that I will not soon forget. The people and events I came across, was involved with, and learned from are more numerous than in previous years.

Beginning with this past fall; I had my first brush with "celebrity." Being widely recognized by people with whom I am unfamiliar is a new concept. I prefer to know, personally, everyone who knows anything about me. Having been one of the faces to welcome new students to Ole Miss, however, I am forced to admit that I could not be reasonably tasked with remembering everyone I came across—try as I might. Even into the end of the spring semester, I still "met" people to whom I was previously introduced. But it does speak to the impact one person can have on another. What I learned is that when you make an impression on someone, it obviously sticks. Make a strong enough impression, and you gain someone who will admire you. While not one to actively seek admiration, I count myself successful if I can make a difference to someone.

I have learned what falls within my limits of tolerance. I understand my impatience for the whimsical. I do not mean, by whimsical, the idea of being spontaneous in action and in life. What I do mean to address is the idea of being capricious with human relationships. More specifically, I demand consistency, loyalty, and honesty of myself. Therefore, to a lesser degree, I require it from others and refuse to entertain any lapses in these qualities.

The friendships I developed have shaped me even further. When I say developed, I don't exclusively mean the new ones that formed. I also refer to the ones that were strengthened. I decline to name these people primarily because they may identify themselves. From them, I've gained a better sense of maturity, of self, and that we are not limited to one road before us.

The greatest gains I have made are from my friends. I have a greater sense and appreciation for culture, the ability to truly sympathize with others, the ability to listen and just be a friend, and how to offer guidance when needed.

The most critical lesson I have learned, and probably the most incensing for some readers, is to never place my own needs and desires in submission to the desires of another; especially if they do not run parallel. I used to be a selfish human being, but I managed to reverse that—to the extreme. I even went so far as to designate last year as the year of not ever saying "no." Because I honored most any request made of me, I overcommitted myself. Sure, I made a decent income for a full-time college student, but I found myself on the receiving end of complaints far too often. The reasons were as varied as they were valid. I am grateful for the experience but, to be brutally honest, I might have made a different decision if I had to replay this past year. Overall, I blame myself for that. My commitment, added to my traits of always seeing something through to the end, not yielding when a situation becomes difficult, and even not standing up to unnecessary demands, stressed me more than usual. I was disappointed with the lack of reasonable mediation as I bore the brunt of every single complaint. Though I made adequate time for every commitment I had, it just wasn't at the time of day that others would have preferred. Regardless, I did learn valuable skills and ways to deal with people, so I would not trade that experience for much else.

Again, that is the lesson: Do not place others' desires before your needs, especially if they do not line up.

I came in contact with a handful of interesting people who have, in one way or another, introduced me to another part of myself. I grew substantially more comfortable with myself and came to understand my desires, dreams, goals, and personality. This is also a universal reminder that everyone that enters my life (or yours) does so for a reason. That reason may be to teach one lesson. That reason may be to accompany me through a phase. It may even be that they have entered my life with the ultimate purpose to stay permanently. The challenge is to sort out which it is and not hold on to the wrong ones.

I have also learned the valuable lesson to not judge anyone by my own standards. My standards are my own and apply only to me. When I look at another person, I judge them by their own values. I have found that this eliminates the feeling of being unimpressed with others. It should—humans are, by design, impressive creatures. What we are individually capable of is astronomical. Through this, I have enjoyed being far more patient with people than I ever have in the past.

I have learned to forgive. Having dealt with so much disappointment and anger in the past, I have made the final step in my growth in this area. Simply forgiving someone is cathartic, prevents defensiveness, and fosters growth in both me and the one I perceive to have wronged me. Simply put, I don't hold grudges. Remembering—holding obsessively to—a past grievance is debilitating, prohibits natural human interaction, and is downright silly. The other party probably doesn't even remember the perceived offense.

I've learned to be happy with myself. I had always wanted to be always wildly outgoing (I am, at times), but my personality just isn't engineered that way. And for good reason—I can relate to both extreme introverts and extreme extroverts. I've got the best of both worlds, here. This lesson is critical, too: you simply cannot be happy with another person if you aren't happy with yourself. You'll search the other person for what's "missing," and still won't truly appreciate them. I've seen this happen far too often—not with myself, though.

The last lesson—which I'm still kinda working on—is to seize what you want, and chase it until it's yours. Enough said. The measure of devotion with which you pursue anything determines your success. Too little is nonchalant and doomed to fail. Too much is obsessive and, while perhaps somewhat successful, is ultimately unhealthy.

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Next up: Everything else. [DISCLAIMER: While I might sound like I'm writing with an air of being above all that follows, I'm simply not. My writing style here is to be as detached as possible. And it's my opinion. You don't have to read this section.]

The most disappointing things I've seen this year are laced with complacency, pettiness, and being unwilling to live by what is known to be "right."

Personal vendettas seemed to be highly prevalent. I've seen actions taken by those who they would not affect, just to spite those whom they would. To be so vindictive and to hold such a grudge is childish, unprofessional, and indicative of immaturity. Unfortunately, malicious intent can and does breed anger all around, marring whatever noble intentions were originally held.

Competition, arguably, brings out the best and the worst in all of us. It is irresponsible to cast aspersions, as the terms "clean," "dirty," "respectable," and "questionable" are highly suggestive. In an arena where there are limited rules of engagement and the use of intangible assets are uninhibited by nature, "doing what it takes to win" takes on an ambiguous meaning. Being victorious just might mean a competitor draws upon everything at their disposal; which is ingenious in the end. "Shrewd" is synonymous with resourceful. Granted, there are moral debates that may still rage on, but to detract from the victorious for using perceived tactics that another may have been unable to capitalize on is, sadly, to decry the legitimacy of triumph. Character assassination, while theoretically not an illegitimate tactic, does (ironically) speak to the character of the "assassin." This is where I end my synopsis of competition; as this can easily drag out into an extended entry of its own (actually...it already had a few months ago).

I'll be blunt here. In my field of study, it is generally accepted as a holy tenet that knowledge is to be investigated and, following careful dissection and deliberation, disseminated for public approval. Here is where the deadly force of complacency rears its head. Being unwilling to pursue what might have been a career-building move denotes fear of pulling the trigger on an action that must be taken. Fear of repercussion (for self or others), immobilizing as it may be, may draw suspicion. Such decisions separate the adequate from the excellent.

At the end of the day, however, it isn't what others do that should be important to us. What should remain in importance are our own aspirations and our own journeys to reach our goals.

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2011-2012 have been very formative years for us all. I've always been someone who looks for life lessons in everything; especially as they pertain to me. Some sort of discerning wisdom I inherited, I suppose.

In other news, I've nearly finished my first month of Insanity. It rocks.