On Being Performance-Driven.

I write this post in hopes that others may benefit from my experience.

Coming off the high of winning, I sit back and evaluate myself. Though I began to walk around the casino floor with my usual confident swagger, it was only hours beforehand that I was highly apprehensive. My first time gambling, and I had no idea what I was getting into yet.

I had $200 to play with; that was my limit. After surveying the money pits that were slot machines, craps, and Blackjack, I finally settled on the game that required more than just "luck." Even though I had played so much 2 years ago and gotten sick of it, I decided to come out of self-imposed retirement to play Texas Hold 'Em.

I bought in for $100, sat down, ordered a Heineken, and just watched the game. It was much faster than I was used to. Adding to my nervousness was the fact that all the other players were older and that I, wearing a blazer and tie, looked like the perfect mark.

Here's where it gets interesting: Rather than fold under pressure (see what I did there?), I channeled my fears into my performance. The emotionless face that I'm rather notorious for went on full display, and my proclivity for deception—only used in poker, I promise—began to take over. Even though I was uncomfortable, I used it to my advantage. The uneasy, pretentious-looking kid cleaned up after winning two big hands (full house and flush, respectively). Knowing that I hadn't been betting aggressively before, I had to let the older men bully me a little, letting them push me all in before revealing the winning hand. Needless to say, they were impressed/shocked/congratulatory. After making such a killing (a 200% return, no less), I decided to cash out and quit playing for the rest of the day.

That story is an illustration of how I tend to handle situations, as I've come to realize. Any negative feelings (fear, panic, nervousness, anger, etc) are just used to fuel my drive to succeed. I do this in everyday life. Got an essay that I haven't started yet? Panic for 5 minutes, then use that panic to churn out the greatest hastily-written paper anyone has ever seen. I usually succeed there. Need to interview a high-profile person? March straight up to them, making eye contact. This isn't to prevent them from having a way to back down, but it's to prevent myself from having a way to back down.

In the end, knowing that there is no place for the negative is the perfect channel. There's no time to be starstruck when interviewing a celebrity. There's no time to be afraid when the stakes are high. There's no time at all to panic when academia calls.

This is my method: Any time I am stressed for any reason about anything, I force myself to understand that the stress alone is unhelpful. When it prompts you to rise to a challenge, however, it becomes a driving force. I then remove all paths of escape. When you can't run from a problem, allow your will to succeed and the best in you to surface to help push through it.

I'm buying at least one more blazer.